Credit: Jason Weiss for Fredi
I often think back to some of my first crushes in life.
They felt silly, innocent, and kind of like those commercials with someone running in a desolate field of flowers; unbothered, and no worry in sight. No risk. But we quickly learned these ‘first’ kinds of crushes were over almost as soon as they begun.
"When you fall in love with someone without loving yourself first, you’re hurting both ends."
Fast-forward a couple years, you begin to have matured feelings. You begin to analyze things. You begin to understand and think and react. You begin to fall for them. You begin to fall to the point that everything else is just a distraction. Your person of interest becomes your priority.
You start to push off your own needs. You stop doing things for yourself, in fear of ruining things with them. You become affected by their every action, on their terms. You begin to change what makes you you, in order to meet their expectations.
You see, when you fall in love with someone without loving yourself first, you’re hurting both ends. How can you give someone love, when you don’t fully love yourself?
"As much as our brains might crave failing in another’s arms, you must fall into your own arms first."
I realized I used to be the kind of woman to give everything into a relationship—all parts of me, and in fault when it would end, I too would come crashing down. That’s not love.
As much as our brains might crave failing in another’s arms, you must fall into your own arms first. Before you learn about them, you must learn about you. You must be able to look yourself in the mirror and truly be proud of the woman you are. Love the woman that you are, that is.
But it’s not easy. It’s not just a one-step process. There’s no magic ‘switch on’ button to self-love. All there is is everyday. It requires showing up for your self every day.
It requires confronting not only your strengths and what you are doing well, but your fears and insecurities head-on. It requires you be uncomfortable in order to be comfortable with who you are.
"Healthy love is built on the foundation of loving yourself."
When you begin to love yourself first, you learn how to be a better lover in return. You learn that it takes two healthy lovers to equal one healthy relationship. You wont have the urge to rely on your partner to complete you, and therefore, make you happy.
Most importantly, you won’t let yourself into these toxic relationships because you know what your heart deserves. You would rather stay single than spend time in a one-sided relationship. Enjoy the journey and process of self-love. Don’t forget, you are becoming a better person not for someone else to accept you, but for you.
So please, stay single until you can’t help but love yourself first. Stay single because in the end, healthy love is built on the foundation of loving yourself.